i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
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