On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
Randomize
