I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
Randomize
