Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
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