$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
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