Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
Randomize
