oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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