she was so not down for the gang bang
Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
Randomize
