everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
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