hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
Randomize