I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
Randomize
