we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
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