I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
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