like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
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