So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
Randomize
