The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
it's not cheating when I paid for it
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
Randomize
