I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
Randomize
