u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
are you serious?? is your clit as sensitive as your emotions
i wish
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
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