I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
love makes seman taste better
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
Randomize
