One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
Randomize
