I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
