i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
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