I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
Shitshow foam night was such a success
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
Randomize
