I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
Randomize
