I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
spencer pratt says his family invinted chess
that kid is like the al gore of hollywood.
ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
Randomize
