Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
Randomize
