my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
Randomize
