we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
Randomize
