I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
Randomize
