i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
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