bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
And then he peed in my hair
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