I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
Randomize
