She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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