Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
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