I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
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