she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
STOP acting like a freshman, you have a drivers liscence now AND a PERSCRIPTION for birth control. Dont give all sophmores a bad name. Woman Up
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
Randomize
