I don't remember. Are we still dating?
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
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