the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
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