if only i could text you this smell
She's like a pop up book from hell.
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
Randomize
