are you still at the devil's house?
like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
I wish my new phone didn't autocorrect so well. People will never experience the magic of my drunk texts because they think I'm making a coherent statement.
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
Randomize
