Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
Randomize
