break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
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