Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
Randomize
