Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
Randomize
