The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
Randomize
