I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
i came on her dog
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
We have started to decorate penises.
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
Randomize
