So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
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