Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
Randomize
