Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
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