how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
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