I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
Strip flip cup NEVER equals good idea
It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
Randomize
