If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
Randomize
