so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
Randomize
