My liver just broke up with me...
OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
either way he was missing a nipple.
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
Randomize
