Just role played anchorman. And yes, I did take her to pleasure town.
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
