Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
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