he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
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