I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize
