you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
Randomize
