the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
Randomize
