when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
I fill condoms, not promises.
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
Drunk is not a location!
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
Randomize
