Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
Randomize
