you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
Liz is crying about burritos again.
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
Randomize
