maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
Randomize
