I wanna passion pit in your ass
why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
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