I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
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