dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
Randomize
