I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
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