Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
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