You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
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